Why You Never Got Her Number And Got Stuck At 1st Base.

Hey hey hey... be at peace ladies this one's about the lads. I thought I'd give you a break and address why some of these arm yanking morons don't get a chance to get the cat to dribble.

As you know I like to always give a brief history lesson, so lets jump in the time capsule and do a Michael J fox.


The Mating Instinct


Despite the personality cavity between men and women, the sex urge is plenteous to insure their coming together for the reproduction of the species. This intuition worked effectively long before mortals experienced much of what was later called love, deference, and marital loyalty. Mating is an innate propensity, and marriage is its evolutionary social reverberation.

Sex attraction and desire were not domineering passions in primitive peoples; back in the day a man would just bonk any and everything, beauty was not a factor, man simply took them for granted. The whole reproductive experience was gratis from imaginative embellishment.

The mating instinct is one of the domineering physical driving forces of human beings; it is the one elation which, in the pretense of individual fulfillment, effectively tricks selfish man into putting race welfare and augmenting high above individual ease and personal freedom from responsibility. The augmenting of the evolving human species is made certain by the presence of this racial mating impulse, an urge which is loosely called sex attraction. This great biologic urge becomes the impulse focal point for all sorts of combined instincts, emotions, and usages — physical, intellectual, moral, and social.

No human emotion or impulse, when uncurbed and overindulged, can produce so much harm and agony as this powerful sex urge. Intelligent acquiescence of this instinct to the regulations of society is the greatest test of the subsistence of any civilization. Self-control, more and more self-control, is the ever-increasing request of advancing mankind. Secrecy, insincerity, and hypocrisy may cover sex problems, but they do not provide solutions, nor do they advance ethics.


So now that I have broken down why we as men are even attracted to you women... Please show some consideration when we do chat you up... It is innate. Some of us men cannot help ourselves. It takes some of us a lot of courage to even approach you, let alone open our mouths and begin our 419 sales pitch.

So Dear.Rob Why Didnt I Get Her Deejits?


Raving scene

What is it with you gorillas and the yanking of left arms? What happens if you break it? You know they haven't got any rights...*Chortles*. All jokes aside, what is it with some of you guys and this yanking... If she wanted to talk to you she wouldn't be walking off but in saying that, some of you girls like to front like you've got no back (Britney Spears), so some men don't know whether you want us to be persistent or not.

Remember you are dealing with women here not men... Irrespective of how you greet your man, yank and pull them, their arms or not penises for you to be yanking... Grab your own if your horny (detty men). If you are not delicate with them you might end up tearing off their limbs and end up with the woman below.

As you can see she has no rights... I mean right arm and it appears that he was tired of her running her mouth so tore her legs off, asked for head to which she refused and then he decided to take it... Literally.

Humour aside this yanking of the arm is one thing women seriously hate... This will leave you getting air like the side of your head.

Please, please, please a dance is not a udder tucking relationship. Yhy are you hogging the cat for? Is it yours? This is one thing that women detest... How are you going to try and claim a girl after a dance? Chill out dawg, go an take a time out in the bathroom if need be. All that hovering around will get you nowhere fast. Most women like a man who is incognito. If you are too predictable you are no fun.

As silly as this may sound the fact that you were dancing with Jill, Katie and Laquisha is enough to put a woman off. As much as a dance is not a relationship, if she catches a whiff of you grinding some next gal...You can forgerrits. She can claim the dick but you cannot claim the fanjita.

As stupid as this one may seem, in a club some women expect you to be persistent which I will never understand. I have spoken to many a girl in a club, to whom I knew were feeling the kid (no gary glitter) but felt the need to act up like they were on set, so I left them where they stood and then hours later they came to find me asking "Why i walked off?". I walked off because you was acting up and then wait for it *drum rolls*..."You should have been more persistent"... Huh WTF? More persistent? So that while I am talking to you the song below is running through your head.

See this is the problem, some of us guys don't know what to do. If we show we really like you we get labelled a bug a boo...so 'a waddi batticrease' do you want us to do? :(

Another reason why you may not have got her number in the club is because you look boring as fark (there are exceptions to the rule but this doesn't disprove the rule)... Yes it has been sung and said that girls just want to have fun.

Having been on both sides of the fence, as in being so broke that I couldn't even afford to cash in a reality check and now working for myself and can tell you that if you look boring and broke as fark it can in 99.9% of cases, render you numberless.

Truth is, it's the boring guy in the corner of the club sipping lemonade through a straw wearing church shoes that you ladies need to look at but you wont. Just remember nerdy Clark Kent was Superman.

Yes I used to get numbers however it was a fight and struggle. You are the marketing force that drives your campaign and when the manikin in the window doesn't look enticing nobody wants to know how much that doggy in the window costs.

Clubs are dark and daunting as it is, so if you favour Mark Morrison you can't be approaching girls from the back, your ugliness might lead them into cardiac arrest... You have to subtly ease your ugliness on them. If not incidences like the one below may occur.

As you can see she is about to throw up her juices... No Chris Brown.

One has to read body language and eye contact. If a girl isn't showing you any signs or signals more time she isn't interested but in saying that, she may just be shy however I think it's safe to say the girl above isn't shy.

Another thing which annoys me, but hey is a reason why you never got her number is this witchcraft some women like to play which is 'I saw him 1st'. Yes brother if a females friend saw you 1st she may try and claim you for herself, irrespective of the fact that you may think she favours shrek with long hair, because she saw you 1st, you are out of bounds. Stupid I know.

As farked up as this may sound and I hate to say this, the fact you never bought her a drink could be the reason why you never got her number. Yes, you read right. It seems like buying some of them a drink is the prerequisite to getting their number. I have heard some girls say "He asked for my number and didn't even have the decency to buy me a drink" *coughs* prostitutes *coughs*. Apologies, got something stuck in me throat and that's my pride... I find it hard to swallow at sometimes.

Another thing women hate is 'Batman and Robin' syndrome, you do not need to follow a girl all over the club... Eh Eh, is it by force that she must see you everywhere she goes, 'wetin deh for you now?

A woman does not want to feel claustrophobic and even if she has given you her number it is not merit to begin playing Inspector gadget the whole night, ease off dawg.

The fact that you were highly intoxicated on alcohol is another thing that a lot of women have told me that is off putting. Take time with your drink. Not many women are going to be happy with you talking crazy, like your jaws broke, sounding like Rocky 3.

One hurdle a lot of you crash at is by asking a woman what she is doing later. As innocent as this may sound, it can imply that you are asking to see her after the rave. If she is not that way inclined, like a girl with no bum and no breast, it will be an instant turn off.

You can't be too eager for the cat, it will put a woman off and secondly it could show that you are not used to getting women like her, you don't want her thinking she is doing you a favour. Don't forget the 3 c's: cool, calm and collected but ladies don't play hard to get and then complain when a man plays with you, gets hard and then gets.

Getting a woman's number in a club isn't the easiest thing to do, as so many women are opposed to it. You have to be a very good salesmen to be able to convert a cold lead into a sale, consider it cold calling.

Help yourselves, keep away from the arm yanking, they hate it, they really do.

Out And About

What the fark is pssssssssssssssssssssst? Are you calling an animal or a dog? 'What is the meaning'? What kind of girl would respond to a whistle? But in saying that some of you girls do. If women didn't, men wouldn't do it. It's really hard writing this blog as some of you girls let down the rest of the team with the things you accept. 
The fact that you can see her with her child, isn't this enough reason for you to leave her alone? The vast majority of women do not want to be chatted up whilst they are with their children, they categorically do not.

Hollering at a woman from your car like she is bush meat is not going to help your plight. Park up and approach if need be. As tedious as it sounds, tooting and hooting after her isn't going to get you anywhere but once again unfortunately some women accept this, however the vast majority do not.

In saying the above if you have a car like the one on the video below you do not need to say a udder tucking thing, you can tell her exactly what the chorus says.

Shouting at a woman like you're in east street market selling cashew nuts isn't going to get you anywhere... A bit of decorum is needed. Talk to them like they are ladies, no matter how short their dress is, no matter how much cleavage they are showing, even if they are loitering on the street corner looking like women of the night, still talk with manners, they may not be a prostitute.

At University, Work And The Gym.

I will briefly address these places. One thing you need to learn is that there is no rush. If a woman you fancy goes to either of these places, take your time like you're robbing yourself. Build up a rapport with her 1st and then go for the kill.

If in the gym and a woman is on the treadmill with her headphones on., she does not want to talk to anyone, she is clearly there to train. You're going to have to catch her slipping in the steam room and if you've got a body like mine you wont need to talk over the beat to know its a wrap.

In the working environment it is very tricky, some women do not want to mix pleasure with business, due to the fact that if ish goes titties up, they still have to bump into your ass everyday. Also they don't want there name being the gossip of the office.

With any institution where you will be seeing a woman all the time, fall right back like Paul Parker and take it easy. Acting desperate like dry throat wont help your plight.

So You Got Her Number... Why Did You Get Stuck At 1st Base?

You really want to know why some of you dudes get stuck at 1st base? It's because you act like Bishes... Yes i said it, bishes. Acting all bloodyclart needy. Why the hell are you peppering a woman's phone straight after getting her number? You called, text'd, pinged, poked her, facebook in boxed her, dm'd her on twitter. WTF? Get out of her hair already. Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooozas... Some of you guys aren't easy. 

As I have said most women like a man who has an element of surprise to him. If you're too available you will be dumped in the friends box. Showing a woman you are bang on it, is not going to help your plight. Like Ghanaian bum bums,back off. Allow her to think of you, allow her to miss you a little, all that eagerness isn't going to get you anywhere with 99.9% of women.

Yes she liked you but you just wouldn't give her space to breath, got her feeling like shes trapped in a closet.

Most women do not like men who suck up to them, unless you are eating from the two footed table to which they can leave your mouth looking like a glazed ring doughnut. Sucking up to a woman is not going to get you any where, it is corny. Keep barking up the wrong tree and the birds will soon shit on your head. Allow me to let late 2pac explain something to you...never a truer word said...watch the clip below.

Being too nice to a girl in most cases will render you being that cool guy, That friend. That guy that she refers to her friends as nice. The guy her friends say she likes but she brushes it off. Being toooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nice will leave you stuck at 1st base. I am not saying you must punch a girl in the trachea but you following her shopping week in week out will leave you at 1st base.

You cant be too available for a woman, in most cases you need to be inconspicuous. It's a shame we have to play these games but being a stand up guy doesn't always work in 9/10 situations.

If she has a facebook, clicking like on all her pictures and writing corny shit on them will not get you any closer to the cat, it will not. All you're going to end up doing is getting the cat stuck up the tree. As the late 2pac said "you cant be too nice"...its a shame really but hey, bobs your uncle and Bola's your aunt and long grain is better than basmati.

Another thing that may have held you in your tracks, was your mutual friends. Yes some girls do check what mutual friends you have and if she has done the dirty with one or two of them she will keep it a hush and do a casper on your ass. Also if you have slept with one of her friends that may also deter her. So the trick is to get on to facebook before she does and delete whatever mofo you think may have tap that ass. If you see that I am a mutual friend it is in your best interest to delete me. 

How Are You Marketing Yourself?

As stated earlier you are the marketing force that drives your campaign... Shit attracts flies. If a woman is of a particular class and it looks like you played truant all your life, she will leave you stuck at 1st base but in saying that some women like salvage guys... Cat c guys they can do up, so there are exceptions to this.

Your hygiene, this is one thing that will automatically put a woman off. Smelling of B.O.K.O is not going to help you. For you guys that do not know, cologne is not anti-perspirant,it is not. If you are not Sure what the Right guard is for your pits, ask.

Bad breath, no girl wants to talk to a guy who has hot wet Alsatian breath, no matter how segsee you are she will  not overlook this. I blame your friends to be fair, if I have a whiff that my friend might be suffering from halitosis I will tell him.

Being too cocky, this can work against you in a major way. If a woman has her own and you try to push out your chest she may think, what an asshole? One has to find a balance. Using the material to try an impress doesn't always go down well like Semen, I mean Seaman *honest typo*. Get your mind out the gutter I am referring to David Seaman, the goal keeper who has to go down when saving balls... What is this world coming to?

The way you dress. There is this word that has been thrown around a lot called swag. You need to know how to dress. Two things that will gain a man points is his dress sense and the fact he can dance. The way you present yourself is crucial, wearing skinny jeans and a pair of gladiators in most cases will leave you at 1st base. There is being in touch with your feminine side and there is just plain woman. As much as women want a man to be in touch with his feminine side, some still want a man to look like a man.

Talking about your ex is a no no. No woman wants to hear you banging on about your ex. Leave the past where it belongs in the past, the present is a gift so grab it and make the best of it.

Being a bum doesn't help either, I can't even say all but most women like a constructive man, so the fact you just doss around all day isn't going to get you any closer to the cat.

Needless to say being a man hoe can put a woman off . Some girls do background checks as well, if it doesn't come back crystal... She will clear off in most cases.

In summary

As we are aware women are different, very, in fact extremely. As a man you cant be too full on in your approach. You have to show composure if not you will forever be a Heskey. That guy that tries to do to much and ends up confusing himself.

Oh poor Emile heskey, this is what happens when you try to do too much.

As I have stressed already, sucking up to a woman (unless on all fours) will get you know where, it wont. Showering her with compliments after a while becomes corny, learn to give them in rations.

Acting too eager will imply that you are not used to her calibre of woman and you may become overbearing, play it cool like A/c's... No 419.

If you're looking for a woman to complete you... you've missed the whole point.


Follow me on twitter @dearrobtv, Caio.