Where have all the good men gone and where do I find one?

Hey its that time again and yes ladies this one is directed at you...release your bra straps, take your hair out of of its bun and lets get down to business...no cunnilingus.


So What Happened To All The Good Guys? 


What happened to all the Dillon's (good guys)? You did, yes YOU, YOU that's reading. You ignored Dillon, you used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof sex God man than the attentive 'just-a-' friend.

Why is that these guys get over looked? why? why? why?

Dillon would follow you here and there, he would be the shoulder to lean on. Your friends would tease you about him and that how he fancied you and you'd just laugh it off. He'd be the guy who would take you shopping, the guy you called before ...beefcake would come round and rarse you up. You took and rinsed Dillon emotionally, yes rinsed him. You told him about the other guy, he'd sit there and be attentive.

Arrrrggghh, why cant she see that he is no good for her? why does she rubbish my existence?

Given Dillon's behavior was a bit wet, you vehemently denied any romantic feelings for him. You completely denied any feelings for him because he was a bit short, too dark, not the right size, blah, blah, blah. Eventually this platonic prick 'got the got' in his canoe and got the drift.

Fark this shit, I'm outta here.

Then your boyfriend cheats on you or the relationship gets boring as what Dillon was doing doesn't happen anymore as he is gone, so emotionally you're empty. You realise that the things that attracted you to that beefcake weren't exactly the things that sustain a relationship.

*sniffles*...why me?

So you're SINGLE again, trekking through bars, and then ask that famous question, "What happened to all the good guys?"

YOU BLODDYCLART DID.

You laughed at his consideration, you laughed at the fact he was saft like squidgy breast, you mocked him behind his back, you resented his devotion. Dillon now realises that women must not be attracted to guys who hold open doors, guys who do all that i have listed above. A guy who cooks for the sake of it, a guy who is attentive, a guy who you can share your inner most feelings with.

He came to the realisation that for him to get a woman he'd have to act like your beefcake man you always complained about. So he turns into him and starts getting punanrny and treats women the same way you described him.

Zack has been treating Lisa rough whilst she has been using screech for emotional intimacy.

I'm sure we have all watched the program 'Take me out'...whenever a guy came on who was an accountant, lawyer etc...the girls would turn their lights off. 'A wadi back foot to bumba'...What the fark? Why the hell are they turning their lights off. They would also turn their lights off if he had a close relationship with his mum. Watching that programme gave me a clear indication that a lot of women actually like to cry. Yes some of you must have shares in Kleenex because it doesn't make any udder tucking sense.

Shit he went to university and likes his mum...eurghhh Yuckie.

So You're Looking For A Nice Guy? HERE'S WHAT YOU DO...

1) Build a time machine.

2) Go back a few years and stop being a wedgie and pull your head out your ass.

3) Take a look at what is in front of you and grab it.

I guess the other possibility is that you actually don't want that nice guy after all but you still feel the social pressure to at least feel you have matured past your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because Dillon has shed his nice guy Mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism unto someone like you, if you were 5 years younger.

A WOMAN WILL ONLY COME ACROSS A HANDFUL OF NICE GUYS IN HER LIFE.

SO PLEASE EITHER STOP MISREPRESENTING WHAT YOU WANT OR OWN UP TO THE FACT YOU FARKED YOURSELF OVER AND NO MY CAPS LOCK BUTTON ISN'T STUCK I AM SHOUTING. *Puts megaphone down*

Denial is not only a river that can be found in Egypt...some have it flowing in their blood.

You aren't getting older after all, excise the bullshit and get to reality. You didn't want the nice guy then and he certainly doesn't want you now.

STELLA DOES NOT ALWAYS GET HER GROOVE BACK.

OK, Fark You Dear.Rob I Admit I Farked Up A 
Little... How Do I Redeem Myself?


I will start by saying this...the same approach will always bring the same results...you can't plant banana and expect to get mango, nope sorry it isn't happening. Only a insane person would think that attacking a challenge in the same way will bring different results.

Switch up your game...stop going for the same guys. It is apparent that it is these same guys who keep breaking your heart. So why in the name of Kunle and George do you keep going back, are you Oliver Twist? Do you just like to cry?

Look at your get up...the way you dress will more time determine the sort of men that will speak to you. You are the marketing force that drives your campaign.

Its high time some of you women start introducing your potentials to your real male friends so they can scrutinise them properly. A man like me can smell a rat from a mile off. Stop using your intuition alone, it is clear it hasn't got you that far.

The kind of guys some of you women go for is shocking.

Stop laughing, this is the kind of guy some of you girls run after.

If you've gone for this kind of guy once, twice and it didn't work, why are going back again? Seriously, I actually question the thought process of some women. I know it sounds harsh but some of the guys you women go for are ridiculous.


Enough Of The Ear Bashing... Where If Anywhere Do We Look?

A rave is the last place you want to be looking...up til this day i have never heard a man say "Lets go raving, I feel like dancing...I really feel like shaking a leg" yeah your 3rd leg. I'm sorry in the urban raving scene I am confident enough to throw a blanket over this statement and say "Men do not go raving to dance"...no we do not. We go to draw numbers...no Picasso...to beat.

Look at the dynamics of a club...lights are low, alcohol flowing...most women dress like prostitutes, men acting like pimp daddies, seductive music playing in the background, women gyrating. Add all these dynamics together and you've got sexual innuendos violently flowing about.

The 1st thing most men are thinking when they see you is... sex sex sex and more sex. He more than likely just wants to bang. I have never made a girl I met in a rave my Missus and I know many a man who haven't. When most men go raving they are looking for Ms Right now, not MS Right. Of course there are exceptions to the rule but this does not disprove the rule. Some people have met their loved one in a rave but those are anomalies.

How long have you been raving for and what joys has it brought you apart from bags under your eyes and a brukk pocket?

But Where Dear.Rob, Where Do I Search, I Like Skinning Out To Dumpa Truck?

Start going to seminars, conferences, debates, property auctions as stupid as this may sound, this is where you are going to find affluent men. If you are of a certain calibre this is where you need to be heading. Go to shows that they hold at Excel. Places where you are dressed appropriately and sex is not on the agenda. When a man sees you in a professional environment...yes he may think sex but he may also think Wifey. 

The environment you are in plays a huge part on the mindset of a man.

Please don't get me wrong, good men do go raving but the vast majority will not wife a girl they meet in a rave...the agenda more time is sex and it will be very hard to convert him. No man likes a woman who raves...FACT. If he does, lift up his skirt and check what he's got down there. That whole slutty dressing that the club dictates does not help in any way shape or form. Men we are visual creatures that alone should tell you how one should dress.

Please do not think for one second that going to church will change anything...as much as it is a church. A sinner is a sinner...yes there shouldn't be any sexual innuendos floating about but please, still use extra precaution...some men go to church to devour christian sisters...I know this 1st hand.

There seems to be this faux pas when it comes to guys chatting you up on the road when you are on your way to work. This is the best time to give your number out, as this man is seeing you in your formal wear. There is nothing sexier than a woman who knows how to make money, as long as you aren't Oprah balling ( this will be what my next blog is on...As a woman does earning too much hinder my chances of settling down?). The same way women like men in uniform, we also like to see women in uniform too. Lets get out of this 'low donkey' syndrome...if a man is coming correct give him the time of day.

Supermarkets are a great place to meet people, it sure is...have a wonder down the ready meal isle, you're bound to find a man down there but just make sure you haven't got any ready meals in your trolley, as that might work against you...no man wants a woman who can't cook.

Weddings, christenings and even funerals...yes I said funerals. These functions are places where you women need to be taking advantage of. Family functions and gatherings where men can be verified and checked over. A lot of you women tangle with men and you haven't even ran your checks on them. There are men you fark and there are men you keep. Its for this reason why I love Jada Pinkett. For those who don't know she used to fark Tupac back in the day but did she have any kids for him?...No. Did she settle down with him? No. Who did she settle down with?...Yep, Mr Big Willy Smith. Learn from this ladies, please learn.

Watch the clip, its an excerpt from 'On a different world' starring the two of them.

Tupac was a great rapper but a guy who calls women hoes and bitches and has thug life tattooed on his belly, shouldn't be a man who you should be interested in. Especially a man caught up in the gang culture. Actually think about it for a second. What is so attractive about this mans character?

Jada Pinkett took the dick for what it was and left it there...a lot of these men are only good for farking and that's where it should stay. The same way people say "you cant turn a hoe into a house wife"...is the same way you cant turn some of these players into a husband.

She knew what she wanted from a man and she got it.

She knows which man to fark and which man to keep.

Lauren London on the other hand...I could just punch her in the trachea. Why the hell would you go for Mr E.T, tattoo all over his face Wayne? I am flummoxed. A man with multiple baby mamas...countless felonies...What is the bloodyclart meaning? and then she will say "all men are dogs"....no you were the bone head. There are men you fark and there are men you make sure you never get pregnant for. Just look at this pretty bish...Why Wayne? Why did you have to ruin her life?

Why Lauren, why? 

Please just bare with me...I used to love this girl *sniffles*.

In closing

There are good men out there but unfortunately they get overlooked because they don't look hip or look fly. Where has hip and fly got you up til now? It's OK I can wait.

You can't attack problems the same way and expect to get different results...it isn't going to happen...it is not. Start going to places where men with clout go, go to places where sexual innuendos aren't on the agenda. Less raving is a must. I am yet to know of a man who has said "lets go dancing tonight".

Be honest with yourselves...why do you dress the way you dress? What are you trying to incite in a mans head? lets be honest for once and excise the BritneySpears...the BS.

I forgot to mention, can some of you ladies get off your Low Donkeys? the air can't be that fresh that low up...there is nothing wrong in meeting people off social networking sites. There isn't. It isn't hard to build up a rapport with somebody and it isn't hard to check mutual friends. If you aren't too sure on meeting him alone...invite him to a bar or a show where your friends will be. People use social networking sites a lot but if you have pictures of yourself in a provocative manner once again all he is going to be thinking more than likely is sex...stop presenting yourself as a tool for sex.

Oh and shout out to all the facebook models who have to pay photographers for shoots...if you were a real model, you wouldn't be paying for shoots....just admit you like to pose semi naked.

Yes this blog was hard hitting but be honest with yourself...this may not be you but if the bra fits...wear it.
If you're looking for a man to complete you...you've missed the whole point